CHAPTER 13: A Square Peg in a Round Hole: Trying to Find a Fit in the Academy

This chapter explores my pathway from being a first-generation college student to becoming the first in my family to hold any type of degree, much less a PhD. Throughout this process, there was a general loss of identity, as I moved away from the expectations of whom I thought I was supposed to be to the individual that I had become. However, when I reached my academic goals, I found that I no longer fit with the previous identity’s expectations nor did I fit within the new identity’s expectations. I was in a place where I no longer fit in anywhere. Redefining my relationships with my family, as well as trying to be successful in the new world of the academy, was (and is) a difficult road to travel. After reaching what I felt to be the end of the tunnel, all of the sacrifice and journey would be worth it, but was it? The implications of my choices hit me squarely in the jaw, and once again the question remained: Where do I now fit? The consequences of my decisions are explored and discussed, as well as where I am currently in my life, both personally and professionally.