Chapter 44: I Am Not Alone: Overcoming Abuse and Rejection

The first time I remember trying to commit suicide was in junior high school. I was probably 12 or 13. For some reason, I believed one of the older boys who abused me liked me. It was probably a rationalization for what was occurring in my life. However, I overheard a conversation between him and two others and realized he didn’t like me at all. I went home and that night and dissolved Tylenol in hot water to be able to drink it down faster. It tasted awful, so I poured it out. This would not be the last time I would try to put an end to my misery. I often overmedicated myself on prescribed or over the counter medicines, thinking and hoping that if I took more, I would get better faster. I was hoping that the pain would ease and give me some relief from my problems. Once I started driving, I would drive recklessly when upset. During my last years of high school, I realized that I needed to make changes about how I handled medicine due to my stress and anger and pain. It wasn’t until I was in college that I began to understand the destructiveness of my driving and misuse of medication was a response to my need for a strategy to cope with my problems.