Chapter 12: MamÃe

Mamãe, mamãe, mamãe. I hear these words nonstop as I finally sit down on my laptop to answer one e-mail. Just one e-mail I think to myself. If you answer this one e-mail, maybe you will get closer to answering all of the others that are sitting in your inbox, piling up right before your eyes. My two boys, 6 and 3, are the little loves of my life. I wouldn’t trade watching them do things, learn and play for anything in the world. Except. Well, except for the fact that I need to keep my job and that I love my job. Sociologist Jessica Calarco in an interview said “Other countries have social safety nets. The U.S. has women.”¹And yes, while I sit and try to answer one e-mail or finish one call or for once turn on my camera on zoom, I still hear the words: Mamãe, mamãe, mamãe, I want water, can you read to me, can you play with me, can you … I want you to … please … help me with And I feel that familiar feeling of guilt, love and frustration all muddled up into one. There is no pause or fast forward button as a parent, but there is also no rewind. We have to go through it. Together.