Chapter 9: Transparency, Visibility, and Belonging

Dear Hau,

A whole decade has passed and with that changes in yourself, your ideals, and society. You won’t necessarily have the answers to every thing, but you are uncovering parts of yourself and in turn are more connected than ever. You will go through the gambit of accepting you’re gay, coming out to friends, getting dumped, finding a good guy, coming out to family, getting dumped by family, have family change their minds, and live in life equilibrium. All of those things unfortunately can feel disconnected from your work environment.

As you mature you find out that transparency is your greatest weapon while secrecy is your childhood blanket (I never had one, I grew up in Vietnam and it’s way too hot to carry a blanket everywhere you go). Easy to revert back to, but in the end to be an adult it’s time to let it go. In the beginning, you will feel like you just cured cancer when you come out to one colleague at work. Then you get bold and tell another colleague (Gasp!). You learn now that by only telling a select few and then asking them to keep it a secret, you inadvertently bring them into your closet. Not only does this get really confusing, not remembering whom you told and whom you haven’t, but also the power of the queer movement comes from visibility. There are times you will have to weave and dodge your way in fear that it could cost your job and livelihood. In the long run you know that only bringing a part of yourself to the workplace is neither good for you or the workplace.