Chapter 57: Ed Fink: A Multifaceted Character

My time with Ed through the years was spent mostly at the meetings of the International Association for Conflict Management (IACM). In earlier years I knew him primarily as Deb’s spouse. In more recent years our relationship evolved from casual acquaintance to colleague and friend. As our friendship developed, I began to appreciate his scholarship and sense of humor. Ed is not a quick read. He gradually seeps into your consciousness in ways that are bewildering. I went from initial impressions about who in the world is this “fink” to later reflections on being glad I had a chance to spend time each year with this guy named Fink—an instance where the name does not fit the person. From an offsetting sense of humor—not knowing quite what to make of his frequent jokes—to the realization that he is actually funny. Perhaps a work in progress even into his 70s, Ed grows on you in a good sense of that feeling. The anecdotes to follow illuminate the character that is Ed Fink.

IACM, Budapest, 2007: Our first encounter did not bode well for future friendship. Each of us nominated our students for a dissertation prize. While I was optimistic, Ed’s student got the honor. Following the banquet, I introduced myself to Ed and offered congratulations on the student recognition. I also mentioned that her dissertation must have been great since she bested my student. Later he told me that he feared that I might attack him—although there was no intention to do so.

Cornell 2010: Some years later Ed was invited to lecture at the Communication Department. Our daughter Kathy Berggren was on the faculty. She attended his lecture, introducing herself and asking if he knew her father, Dan. His paraphrased response was “of course, and my encounter with him was scary.” He went on to embellish the story by saying that he feared that I would attack him following an award decision that favored his student. Ed continued to tell this story … even though Kathy forgot the event. When Kathy and I bumped into Ed and Deb at a restaurant in Rockville, he asked her if she remembered his visit and their conversation. She politely said that she did but then, after we separated, asked who he was!

IACM, New York, 2016: Another memorable meeting was in Ed’s hometown and at his undergraduate college. Tucked away in my memory was a hilarious hallway chat with Ed and Bill Donohue, both famous for their sense of humor. In these few minutes, they bounced off one another with one corny joke after another. It was as if they were competing for the most laughs. It was a tie! But I also remember an excellent review of the history of the conflict resolution literature presented by Ed and Deb at a panel. The more sentimental side of Ed came through on a subway trip during those days. He shared his disappointment in how a relationship with a relative had deteriorated and wished that she would invite him to her NY house for a visit.

IACM, Berlin, 2017: This was a difficult meeting. We were in the midst of a leadership crisis as Deb was beginning her presidency. Ed and I had some time on our hands when Deb and the Council members were trying to put out these fires. At one of our coffee breaks the subject of loss came up. Ed had recently lost a colleague, and we continued to mourn the loss of our daughter in 2014. Ed remembered her and felt compelled to look straight down in silence as an expression of the magnitude of that loss. He felt it as well.

IACM, Philadelphia 2018: At a panel on the future of the organization, Ed was in the audience. During the Q & A, he offered a kind of mea culpa. He said that he was simply unaware of my influence and standing in the organization and now appreciates my contributions. That was also the meeting where I received the Rubin Theory and Practice award. Ed sat at the “award” table and could not have been more generous in his congratulatory remarks.

Post-IACM Philadelphia 2018: Following dinner we engaged in a discussion about students in his classes. He was disappointed in their lack of interest in the assigned readings—notably Hofstadter’s 1963 classic book, “Anti-Intellectualism in American Life.” He wondered about a “formula” for inspiring students to enjoy reading and discussing. But he also mentioned that he did not want to be too critical, worrying about upsetting Deb. Later that evening, we lost Ed on a walk through the streets of Philly. Ever the conversationalist, he drifted into conversation with every Tom, Joe, and Harry that he met on the streets.

IACM, Dublin, 2019: Another side of Ed was on display as we gathered for a group picture. I mispronounced Deb’s last name without realizing that it is a Chinese name. Ed almost went berserk, reprimanding me for the mispronunciation and impelling me to get it right. So forevermore, I got it right.

IACM, Thessaloniki, 2023: I was pleased to see Ed in the audience at a panel on my career book (Negotiation, Identity, and Justice: Pathways to Agreement). He had many choices about which panel to attend in that time slot. I spotted him in the audience with a smile on his face. It seemed clear to me that he enjoyed the give and take between the panelists and the audience.

On the phone in 2023, Deb and I were discussing some matters concerning social science participation in Sigma Xi, the scientific honor society. Ed overheard the conversation and picked up the phone. He told me about his long involvement with the Society, including chairing the local Maryland chapter and receiving a coveted award given to senior members. What made this particularly notable was that he may have been the only social scientist to receive the recognition. He then went on to reveal that he had a banner year, feted with awards from other associations.

Interestingly, we did not talk much about our research, despite both teaching and writing about methods for the better part of 50 years. Rather, we engaged in the types of conversations summarized in my remarks above. Through these encounters, I learned about the multiple facets of this Fink. Complex indeed, but that is part of the challenge of peeling away the outer layer. We find a compassionate, funny, serious, and sometimes difficult-to-tame human being. Is that not what we want for a friend and colleague?

Best wishes on your retirement, Ed. Stay active and keep on engaging with us at meetings and elsewhere.