“Navigating this relationship” balancing expectations and acceptance as a middle school teacher Free

Middle school teachers are tasked with a wide variety of responsibilities. The following article explores how middle school teachers balance maintaining academic expectations with establishing positive connections with students. First, a review of literature is provided, highlighting the multitude of tasks and responsibilities that middle school teachers have in their roles, and why developing positive teacher-student relationships should be given high priority. Second, this article draws attention to some of the unique challenges that middle school teachers may encounter while trying to establish relationships with their students. Third, the article describes a 2022 study in which middle school teachers (n = 4) were individually interviewed and asked the central question, “What is it that you do in your classroom and school that you think increases the probability of connecting with students?” Responses from middle school teachers in this study are highlighted and discussed further. Finally, several findings, limitations and recommendations are provided.

The ability to multitask appears to be an essential characteristic of an effective classroom teacher. In Canada, teachers are tasked with a large number of official responsibilities. In the Canadian province of Manitoba, these include (but are not limited to) the following:

1. Teaching the curriculum prescribed or approved by the minister;

2. Providing an effective classroom learning environment;

3. Maintaining order and discipline among pupils attending or participating in activities that are sponsored or approved by the school, whether inside or outside the school;

4. Advising pupils as to what is expected of them in school, reviewing their assessments with them, and evaluating their progress and reporting on that progress to parents;

5. Administering and marking any assessment of pupil performance that the minister may direct, in the manner that the minister directs;

6. Ongoing professional development. (Government of Manitoba, 2025, para. 47)

Manitoba Education (2011) stipulates that teachers also have the responsibility to foster inclusive learning environments for all students, “providing additional classroom management strategies in order to create and maintain a predictable learning environment in which students and teachers enjoy positive relationships” (p.3). A review of the literature on positive teacher–student relationship highlights many social and academic benefits for students at every grade level (Davis, 2001; Reimer, 2023, 2025).

Teacher-student connections are a vital component for student success at all ages (Reimer, 2023; Nasir, Jones, & McLaughlin, 2011; Baker, 2006; Davis, 2001; Hamre & Pianta, 2006). For example, positive connections between students and their teachers have been shown to contribute to students feeling “safer and more secure” in schools (Hamre & Pianta, 2006, p. 59) and can lead to an increase in overall graduation rates (Nasir et al., 2011). Davis (2001) notes that, “the relationship that develops between a student and teacher can be a powerful motivator” (p.431).

When speaking about “connections,” it is important to remember that what is being referred to is positive teacher–student relationships. Baker (2006) states, “There are positive associations between a good relationship with [students'] teachers and the academic and behavioral indicators of children's school success…[Therefore], relationships do matter and may affect the positive trajectory of children's well-being and school success” (p.227). Hamre and Pianta (2006) exclaim, “students' relationships with teachers are fundamental to their success in school” (p.59). Davis (2001) states, “a positive relationship with the teacher can act as an additional resource for a student while a difficult relationship may act as obstacle to academic success” (pp.431-432). Hamre and Pianta (2006) further highlight that, “Forming strong and supportive relationships with teachers (also) allows students to feel safer and more secure in the school setting, feel more competent, make more positive connections with peers, and make greater academic gains” (p.59).

Although an essential contributor to student success, teacher–student relationships are not always easy to establish (Reimer, 2023). First, these relationships can take time in order to develop. Hamre and Pianta (2006) posit, “Student-teacher relationships develop over the course of the school year through a complex intersection of student and teacher beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and interactions with one another” (p.59). Second, creating connections with all students requires some essential skills on the part of the teacher (like the ability to build relationships and foster a positive classroom community) in order for the teacher to have the potential to connect with all students (Reimer, 2025).

The balancing act of managing one's classroom and developing positive individual relationships with students can at times be a challenge for classroom teachers – especially in middle school. This is due to a number of factors, including the fact that many middle school students view school with a negative attitude (Raphael & Burke, 2012), increasingly prioritize peer relationships than those with adults (Prewett, Bergin, & Huang, 2019; Carlisle, 2011) and are more likely to challenge social norms and values than when they were in elementary school (Faust, Ennis, & Hodge, 2014). Although not always the case, these factors tend to lead to what Duong et al. (2019) describes as a “normative decline in relationship quality” (p.212) for students as they progress through middle school. This presents a significant challenge for middle school teachers, as teacher–student relationships appear to be a significant factor for student success.

Prewitt et al. (2019) state that, “While evidence is strong that elementary school students' quality of relationships with their teachers is important, much less is known about what supports high quality relationships for middle school and secondary students” (p.69). Still, there are several known factors that contribute to why this decline in relationship quality occurs when students enter middle school. Most of the reasons appear to be due to the developmental stage that middle school students find themselves in. Middle school can be “a turbulent time” for students because “in the middle school years, [as] many students possess increasingly negative attitudes toward school.” (Raphael & Burke, 2012, p. 1) and a “period of greater vulnerability and challenges to values, norms, [and’ self-esteem” (Faust et al., 2014, p. 43). As students in middle grades undergo “the developmental shift that children experience as they become more peer-oriented,” they also tend to have “multiple teachers each day and less time spent together with each teacher” (Prewitt et al., 2019, p. 69). Carlisle (2011) posits that in middle school, “the onset of puberty and other body development changes may lead to insecurity and low self-esteem, which can also affect adolescents' socio-emotional health” (p.20). Additionally, students during this time in life are “developing metacognition, which allows them to analyze and think about their own thinking and learning, and moves them toward more abstract ideas” (Carlisle, 2011, p. 20). They are also “intensely curious, argumentative, inexperienced with independence, and fledgling critical thinkers” (Faust et al., 2014, p. 44). As a result, it appears that many young people experience the “normative decline in relationship quality” (Duong et al., 2019, p. 212) as they enter middle school due to a normative “increase in social, academic, and physiological challenges faced by middle school students” (Reimer, 2023).

These aforementioned obstacles to establishing positive middle school teacher–student connections are unfortunate, as teacher–student relationships are a significant factor in middle school success. Duong et al. (2019) note that, “student-teacher relationships are [also] important after the middle school transition” (p.212) for a number of reasons. A decline in teacher–student relationships can create social, academic and physiological challenges, including “increased social comparison and competition, and heightened demands for academic success.” (Duong et al. (2019, p. 212).

Still, it appears critical for middle school students to have positive connections with their teachers. Given that so much is occurring developmentally for students in the middle grades, there needs to be a greater understanding of how positive teacher-student relationships can be fostered. It makes sense that middle school classroom teachers may hold vital information on how exactly these relationships can be cultivated while still maintaining high academic expectations.

Schaps, Battistich and Solomon (2004) claim that classroom teachers need to focus their efforts on both relationship building within the classroom with “high expectations…and challenging, engaging opportunities to learn (p.189). The following article highlights a (2022) study where middle school teachers were individually interviewed and asked the question, “What is it that you do in your classroom and school that you think increases the probability of connecting with students?” One of the key themes that emerged from interviews was that middle school teachers expressed the need to navigate between managing one's classroom and holding high expectations, while also creating positive teacher–student connections in the classroom.

I have chosen a narrative inquiry approach for this study. I incorporated a narrative research approach for this study as it is more informal in nature, which can contribute to obtaining important information from participants (Creswell, 2007; Reimer, 2023). A narrative inquiry approach generally follows the following steps.

1. Determine if the research or question fits best in narrative research.

2. Select one or more individuals who have stories or life experiences to tell, and spend considerable time with them gathering their stories.

3. Collect information about the context of their stories.

4. Collaborate with participants by actively involving them in the research. It allows epiphanies to occur (Creswell, 2007, pp. 56-57).

I believe that the narrative inquiry method aligned itself with the purpose of this study. First, the question, “What is it that you do in your classroom and school that you think increases the probability of connecting with students?” adheres to the narrative inquiry approach and my hope to obtain a variety of viewpoints from participants. This approach provided me with the opportunity to contextualize participants' stories. The narrative inquiry approach also encouraged the active involvement of participants by seeking out their opinions as middle school teachers and allowing for unique perspectives to emerge.

I received approval from the University of Winnipeg's University Human Research Ethics Board (UHREB) in April 2022 (see Table 1 for timeline of study). I contacted a Canadian School Division Superintendent in order to receive consent to conduct my study in the division. After receiving consent from the Superintendent's office, I asked that they send letters for school principals and teachers be sent to middle schools in the division describing my study. Two middle school principals contacted me and provided consent for me to invite teachers from their school's teaching staff to participate in my study. Specifically, I asked the consenting principals to distribute letters outlining the nature of the study to all teaching staff. One principal invited me to a school staff meeting to outline my study for teachers. I asked that teachers then be instructed to return by email any self-nomination forms in a confidential manner to me.

Teachers who consented to participate in the study were given a list of questions that I may ask. Participation in the study was optional, and this was made clear to all teaching personnel. The principal and superintendent were never informed of who participates and who does not. Teachers were asked to volunteer for the study, themselves. All teachers were required to give written consent prior to the commencement of the study. I hoped to get 8–12 volunteers.

After completing this process, four teachers contacted me, indicating their willingness to participate in the study. After the teachers volunteered for the study. After participants provided written consent, I sent all participants who agreed to take part in my study an email outlining possible dates to meet. I asked that they reply to my email with their preferred choices of dates and their preference for meeting alone or in a group. Additionally, I attached to an email a short information sheet to fill out and return, regarding factors such as the number of years they taught, post-secondary education they have completed, and awards and other recognition they have received related to teaching.

After receiving responses from all four teachers (two identified as male, two identified as female) involved in the study concerning meeting times, I emailed them all again with a schedule of meeting dates and locations, and “topics for discussion”. I conducted interviews remotely (via Zoom). Each participant participated in one Zoom videoconference.

Administrators and teachers could withdraw their consent to this study at any time before the recording of the session, and could withdraw their active participation at any time before or during the study without consequence. If administrators or teachers wished to withdraw from the study, they could inform me by email or in person. If a participant wished to withdraw some or all of their responses after the sessions – but prior to research publication – I would withdraw these from the transcripts as they request from me. None of the four participants withdrew from the study.

Interviews with the teachers occurred at a convenient time for them via Zoom, and they were free to disregard any questions or withdraw from the interviews at any time. Although the identities of the participants were known to me at the time of the interviews, this information was kept strictly confidential in any information that was disseminated. The interviews were audio taped, and detailed written notes were kept to record their ideas and responses. The interviews were not videotaped. Only my research assistant and I had access to these documents.

After all interviews were completed, transcripts of each interview were generated using the speech-to-text software Otter.ai. These transcripts were sent to each participant for review. All participants agreed that the transcripts were acceptable, although one noted that there were several spelling errors in their interview transcript. The research assistant and I independently reviewed each transcript and produced a list of themes. The research assistant and I agreed upon 10 main themes and sub-themes. These themes/sub-themes were then sent to each study participant. Three of the four participants responded to my email and agreed on the themes. One participant asked that I consider amending one of the themes. I agreed to amend one of the themes as suggested.

I incorporated “investigator triangulation” as a means of ensuring better validity (Hales, 2010). For this study, I compared and contrasted the potential themes I uncovered based on the conducted interviews with the potential themes uncovered by the research assistant. We then met and agreed upon several themes/highlights. Once this list was created, I sent each participant a list of potential themes in order to obtain feedback. As a result, one theme was slightly revised. Once permission was received from these teachers, an interview time was scheduled. Due to COVID-19 restrictions, individual interviews could only take place remotely through Zoom. Prior to the interview, I sent an email to each participant with a short information sheet attached for each of them to fill out and return, related to factors such as the number of years they taught, post-secondary education they have completed and awards and other recognition they may have received related to teaching.

After receiving responses from all four teachers (two identified as male, two identified as female) involved in the study concerning meeting times, I emailed them all again with a schedule of meeting dates and locations, and “topics for discussion”. Each participant participated in one Zoom videoconference. The superintendent, administrators and teachers could withdraw their consent to this study at any time before the recording of the session, and were able to withdraw their participation at any time during the study. Nobody withdrew from the study.

Individual interviews with each teacher occurred online at a convenient time for each of them. Information on the identities of the participants was kept strictly confidential. The interviews were audio taped, and detailed written notes were kept to record their ideas and responses. After all interviews were completed, transcripts of each interview were generated using the speech-to-text software Otter.ai. These transcripts were sent to each participant for review. All participants agreed that the transcripts were acceptable, although one noted that there were several spelling errors in their interview transcript.

Only my research assistant and I had access to the transcripts, although any potential identifying information on participants shared in the interviews was removed by me prior to sharing with the research assistant. The research assistant and I independently read each transcript and color-coded specific quotes with highlighters as they related to one another. In order to better guarantee investigator triangulation (Hales, 2010), it was critical that the research assistant and I independently reviewed all of the transcripts. Hales (2010) defined investigator triangulation as, “The use of more than one investigator, interviewer, observer, researcher or data analyst in a study” (p.15). The research assistant and I independently reviewed each transcript and produced a list of themes and/or highlights. The research assistant and I met and eventually agreed upon several themes/highlights. These themes were then sent to each study participant in order to further guarantee investigator triangulation. Three of the four participants responded to my email and agreed on the themes. A participant asked that I consider amending one of the themes, and I agreed to amend one of the themes as suggested.

One key theme that emerged from the interviews was that, “Academic expectations are important, but it is essential that all students feel accepted in the classroom even if they are not necessarily successful at the school work.” This theme will be more closely examined for the purposes of this article in the “Findings” section. For the purpose of readability, some of the quotations where participants repeated themselves or used phrases like, “um,” “uh” and “like” were removed from the quotations highlighted below.

Participants shared that for middle school teachers, it was possible to have good relationships with their students and still have high academic expectations for their students. They believed that holding students in high regard is important. They thought that involving students in the evaluative process wherever possible, and that it was their job to create opportunities for students to provide feedback to them as teachers.

Participants shared that it was possible to connect with students and still have high academic expectations for their students. All participants emphasized that middle school students needed to feel that they belonged and were valued in their school, whether they were academically successful or not. The most important factor was that all students felt welcome and valued in their classrooms and school. A teacher noted, “The sense of comfort and identity goes farther than we know. Alternately, if they are not in the classroom we have no chance and they are completely lost.”

One of the participants shared that constantly highlighting failures was detrimental for middle school students, as, “every kid brings in a different strength, and recognizing those strengths instead of looking at the deficit model.” Another teacher stated the need to be mindful of the precarious balance between being a caring adult and a grader of school work, as, “you're navigating this relationship, [and] like any good relationship, you're navigating it and trying to find balance between the many roles you have in a relationship.” This balance was touched upon by many of the participants. Still, participants acknowledged their role in holding each student in high positive regard. One of the participants stated simply, “Kids are still capable.” Participants all seemed to acknowledge the unique age and developmental stage that middle school students found themselves in. In doing so, they recognized the fragile nature of middle school teacher–student relationships.

One teacher described the tenuous balancing act of simultaneously supporting all students unconditionally while also maintaining high academic expectations.

Participants acknowledged that many students have significant challenges in their lives, which may impede academic success. Therefore, they stressed the need to be gentle in their approach. A participant shared, “I see that more with kids who maybe don't have as much of a supportive home life, or other things or traumatic experiences, whether the attachment issue, where they have struggled, when they struggle with attachment. Then that leads [to] even more navigating because any form of conflict is going to be a kind of a warning sign for them.” In these instances, one of the teachers shared the importance of being abundantly clear with students as to what they are trying to do so that students don't misinterpret their teacher having high expectations as a negative. One of the teachers shared that students can often misunderstand when teachers try to hold them accountable, and think, “My teacher kind of raised my voice or wasn't happy’. That's conflict. But it really wasn't. It's just kind of the teacher trying to hold you to a bar or standard.”

Participants did not appear to be discouraged by the juxtaposition of their roles in their students' lives, but rather viewed this difficulty as a reality of the job. One teacher stated, “Yeah, it's like any real relationship with the students. And any relationship requires work.” The participant stressed that the best relationships ultimately require efforts from both parties, including the student. The participant shared, “If the work isn't happening on both ends of the relationship, then it's not, it's still going to be fractured. I can try my best to connect with the student, but the student's not having it and not wanting to connect…I'm going to still be waiting on them to open the door, so to speak.”

According to participants, part of their role involved holding students academically accountable. One of the participants stated that for middle school students, “they got to have accountability.” A teacher stated the following in terms of academic expectations in middle school, “I have high expectations, and I'm really academically driven here are focused. The reason they're there [here] is…for academic reasons, and I don't want to lose that.” The participant added that students seemed to like that the teacher was “holding me accountable.” Still, the participant emphasized that although they had high expectations, they provided lots of support, saying, “I gave them lots of time…Every chance I get when they come in the door in the morning, I'm like, ‘Hey, how's it going?’…I take those little moments, when I walk around [to ask], ‘Hey, how's the math coming?’”

Finally, the participant shared the importance of meeting the many needs that middle school students have, saying, “I can also just take a break [from focusing on the academics] and ask, ‘What's going on?’ [or] ‘How's life?’ And I make I try to make time for both of those things. And some kids will come and talk life with me and want to know things, the personal things, and other kids don't and I respect the ones that don't, but I think they know they can.”

Participants spoke of several supportive pedagogical practices that they incorporated in their classrooms in order to increase the probability of academic success for all students, and maintain positive relationships. First, a teacher noted that first and foremost, teachers needed to “know who our kids are as learners, and know how we can set them up for success and not failure.” Another participant thought that models like Universal Design for Learning (UDL) really helped all students set up for success. The participant stated, “I was introduced to Universal Design for Learning (UDL) and that changed my planning and perspective… But it was an eye opener [and] game changer to allow me to embrace all the diversity, whether it's a disability, or a language barrier, or an extreme behavior.”

On the subject of assessment, one of the teachers felt very strongly that tests were not the best indicator of learning outcomes. The participant explained, “I don't do tests. I don't believe in them. I was a test-anxious student myself. For me, knowing that there [were] other ways of doing it.” Rather, the participant sought out ways for students to apply their knowledge in “real-world ways.” The participant also believed that students were actively involved in all aspects, stating, “I think the kids [being] involved in assessment is a big part.” The participant explained how their approach to assessing student learning was more inclusive and authentic.

Some participants also shared that assessments in middle school should consist of descriptive and constructive feedback, and not just a percentage or score. For example, one teacher shared, “I use a lot of vocabulary [when I give students feedback]. I don't use ‘you're 95%, you're 85%’. The government expects us to do that on the report [card]. But I've also worked with families to say, ‘You know what? The report card is only one aspect of an assessment’. It's not the penultimate; it reflects kind of what the government wants us to see not what you have.”

In terms of vocabulary, a participant thought that it was essential that teachers give students opportunities to provide the vocabulary to assess learning. They thought that students needed to learn the vocabulary of assessment in order to have a real voice in the assessment process. The participant described the process they go through with each student prior to report card time.

The participant believed that this approach directly connected the assessment approach they used with making positive connections with middle school students by adding the following.

Intentional groupings were important when completing classroom assignments and projects. One teacher noted, “I think groupings are intentional. But at the same time, they're done in a way that everybody's helping everybody.” They further commented, “Because in the real world, we have to work with people we don't always get along with, we work with people who are diverse. And the message that I always say to the kids, you'll never learn this on Google, you'll never learn how to be a good group member or a good contributor in Google.”

One of the participants favored moving up with their classrooms as they progressed through their grade levels, so they had the opportunity to teach the same students for up to three years in a row. A teacher offered the following advantages to moving up with many of the same students.

Finally, some participants discussed the issue of giving students homework. One teacher shared that, “using your time wisely is another real-world skill”, and if students didn't use their time wisely, homework was just a natural consequence. The participant commented, “Like in any job, if you don't use your time wisely during the day, you might have to take work home with you.” Still, one of the participants thought that providing too much homework was counterproductive, saying, “Because lives are busy at home. They got things on the go. They're involved in activities again. They're doing family related things again, and to weigh them down with homework. I'm not a fan.” A teacher stated that when students went home, “I encourage reading, I encourage a regular reading to build a vocabulary, and then that reflects in the writing. But even that I don't push so hard because I know people's lives are so busy right now. And I want to take away that need to be doing schoolwork, if that can help families.” By limiting homework assignments to reading, the participant shared that, “the feedback has always been positive from that [as students] don't feel…weighed down of 10 o'clock at night.”

There are several limitations to this study. The most significant limitation of this study was the small number of participants who volunteered. This study hoped to secure between 8 and 12 middle school teachers to share their thoughts, but only four middle school teachers agreed to participate. As this study was conducted during the COVID-19 pandemic, it greatly restricted the opportunity for participants to meet in person. Ethics required that I conduct interviews remotely via Zoom. It would have been beneficial to meet with participants in person. Considering everything that was occurring at the time of this study, I am very grateful for the four participants who consented to participate in this study.

In each interview, participants acknowledged that academic expectations were important, but it is essential that all students feel that they are welcomed and included in the classroom, even if they are not academically successful. They believed that it was not always easy to simultaneously have good relationships with their students and still have high academic expectations for their students. Holding students in high regard was important. Participants thought that models like “Universal Design for Learning”, finding more authentic and real-world alternatives to tests, providing rich descriptive feedback on assignments and providing opportunities for students to have a voice in their own assessments were invaluable practices in middle school. They also believed that their role as teachers was not solely to create opportunities for positive teacher–student connections, but also to assist them in developing positive relationships with their peers and family members.

When comparing participant comments to some of the highlighted literature, there are a number of significant connections that can be made. First, participant responses correlate with the reviewed literature, stating that positive connections between students and their teachers can make students feel “safer and more secure” in schools (Hamre & Pianta, 2006, p. 59).

Additionally, relationships that prioritize mutual respect between teacher and student provide a very effective means to establish optimal learning environments, which is supported in previous literature on the subject (Davis, 2001). Second, responses from participants seem to align well with Prewitt et al.'s (2019) assertion that relationships are more difficult to establish when young people are in middle school, and that many young people do tend to experience a “normative decline in relationship quality” (Duong et al., 2019, p. 212). Third, the literature review highlighted the essential need for middle school classroom teachers to emphasize high expectations and challenging learning environments, which supports Schaps, Battistich and Solomon's (2004) claim that classroom teachers need to focus their efforts on creating consistently challenging and engaging learning environments for all students.

It is important to reiterate that this is a small study. Still, there are implications for further research, practice and society as links can be made between theory and actual practice. Specifically, it would be beneficial to conduct a larger version of this study with more participants in order to obtain more generalized information on this topic and better bridge the theories highlighted within the literature review with the responses from the participants. Second, it would be interesting to hear from middle school students and see how their responses align (or contradict) responses from classroom teachers. Third, it would be beneficial to use some of this study's findings as a means to conduct further studies into areas like homework and student assessment. These studies ideally would be much larger quantitative investigations (or perhaps longitudinal studies) in order to more effectively learn about best practices for middle school teachers. In turn, these findings could result in better pre-service teacher training and professional development opportunities related to teacher–student relationship development.

Middle school teachers in this study all believed that academic and behavioral expectations were important, but not at the expense of maintaining positive teacher-student relationships. Middle school teachers need to create classroom environments that maximize the potential for all of these priorities to occur. This included providing students with a “voice” in learning and assessment opportunities. Participants were not opposed to giving homework, but understood that giving too much may overburden students or negatively affect family relationships at home. They incorporated learning pedagogies that embraced the spirit of universal design. They created intentional opportunities for group and peer learning so that students could establish positive relationships with each other. They sought out opportunities to “move up” with their students to take advantage of the positive connections they made with students after their first year in their classrooms. Finally, they universally agreed that respect is not just something that teachers demand from students. Teachers must also try to give it to them.